That's a Bad Word

Cursing was never the problem. Respectability was

James Baldwin's Apartment on the Upper West Side of Manhattan in New York City

Most curse words don't come from some evil place. "Curse" traces back to Old English "curs," tied to the Latin "cursus," the set of prayers read in church, later used for the formula recited to formally condemn someone. "Damn" comes from the Latin "damnare," meaning to condemn. Even the S word started as a plain old term for waste before it picked up weight over the centuries. These words started plain. They were made "bad" by whoever got to decide what counted as proper.

That matters because English itself was handed to us. And the rules for what's proper in it were handed to us too.

Most elders in the Black village I grew up in cursed. The grandma, the auntie, the same women who cursed like sailors were often the ones making sure the neighborhood kids' bellies stayed full. They were the ones you could open up to, the ones you trusted with your words. In Black culture, cursing has never automatically meant disrespect. It's culture. Yes, culture.

Our attempts to refrain from it usually come down to wanting to fit into certain environments. The same way we talk "professionally," or turn away from our native accent. The mechanic everybody depends on curses too, and it's never made him any less trusted.

Now, there's cursing I do reject. The anomaly of calling our Black women terms built to devalue them. You don't see that pattern in other races, calling their own women bitches or hoes, even in their own music. That has to be looked at through a lens. A thick lens. For every cause during slavery, every act of dehumanization against Black people, there was an effect we got stuck in. Modern day brainwashing.

Cursing doesn't define someone's character. That belief itself is a European thought process. We should judge people in our diaspora by their character, not their vocabulary.

Even I try to control my language today, especially around elders. But in the end, I am who I am. I probably got my language genetically from my grandmother. Not sure whose is worse. But what else did I take from her? Her love for helping others. Her love for community. Her love for family.

So shit, if someone curses, don't degrade them for it. Don't be afraid to mentor a child who's picked up language that isn't fit for public view. I've seen this used as a lackluster reason the church stays distant from our youth. But if they got to know them, if they actually sat with each other, they'd find they can coexist without the cursing being the wall between them.

Even some of the most vile still give respect to our tribe and our elders.

Somewhere right now, there's a loving mother, auntie, or grandmother taking care of those dam kids.